The melancholy of the holidays and how to chase it away
We are in the festive season, and this time of year has two interpretations: the joy, anticipation, abundance, and impatience that come with Christmas, and on the other hand, sadness. This melancholy of the holidays, or holiday depression, as it has come to be known, usually overtakes us and is not easy to explain. Such a special time with so many conflicting and contradictory emotions. And yet! Although it would be expected that we would all have pleasant and positive feelings, this is not the case.
How do we feel during the holidays?
The Christmas and New Year holidays are always a time of relief. We rest, relax, try to unwind from our daily routine and stress, and spend time with our families. However, it is the psychological part within us that essentially wants redemption. Many families and people face the holidays with sadness and melancholy. Either because they have unpleasant memories of past holidays, or because they are experiencing financial and personal difficulties that are intensifying. Also, because there may have been a loss, and this period serves as an unpleasant reminder.
The melancholy of the holidays – The truth in numbers
Anxiety, stress, internal pressure, melancholy, depression—these are all things we feel. In modern literature, there is even a term for this: “holiday blues.”
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 66% of people feel sad during the holidays, while 64% of people with mental illness feel melancholy during the holidays. And this last point is very important. Because usually during the holidays, all the bad feelings and unpleasant memories that we have repressed come to our consciousness and are magnified and intensified.
Why do we feel down during the holidays? Who feels bad?
Discomfort, sadness, depression, melancholy, and the psychological “slump,” as we say, during the holiday season can be felt and experienced even by those who are eagerly awaiting their arrival. Those who are eagerly awaiting them. Because, on the one hand, they cultivate an image of them in their minds and expect it to be confirmed, and on the other hand, they are influenced by what they see around them. Happy people, smiles, everything decorated, the obligation to be happy, to do everything that their neighbors do. However, families and holidays can lead to arguments, conflicts, and a lack of love. It’s not like in the movies. So, the first thing we need to do is look at ourselves.
Causes of melancholy during the holidays
Excessive expectations
During the holidays, we usually form an exaggerated and incorrect image of how we will spend them. We imagine something extravagant, that we have to organize something grand, that we have to be on top of things, and we end up feeling stressed.
Anxiety – stress
The desire of many people to enjoy the holidays increases their stress. At the same time, financial problems, the inability to have the holidays they have dreamed of, not being able to buy gifts for their loved ones, or their many obligations, professional and otherwise, increase their stress.
Pressure from family and social circle
Family gatherings that exert pressure and impose various things, the indiscretion of relatives, bad relationships between members, forced gatherings, the obligation to go out and have fun when we don’t want to. All of these create a suffocating environment.
Too much food and alcohol
Anxiety and stress can sometimes lead to binge eating and alcohol consumption. At the same time, it is possible that we are driven to this behavior due to previous anxiety and stress, in the hope of combating them.
Lack of quality sleep
Quality sleep is what happens during the night and allows us to rest. It lasts approximately 7-8 hours and is uninterrupted. The problem is that even though we want to sleep, we may not be able to. It is a common mistake to think about various things before going to sleep, with the preparations for the holidays putting pressure on us and ultimately causing us to lose sleep.
Mandatory joy and social events
This thing about holidays, where we all have to be happy just because it’s a holiday. We have to celebrate, rejoice, and socialize with people we don’t want in our lives. Just because of social or family obligations.
Loneliness
We can feel lonely and isolated even outside the holiday season. Even when we are surrounded by people. But during the holiday season, if we are far away from our loved ones, if we are alone, if we miss someone, this feeling deepens.
How are you feeling about the holidays? – How to find solutions
Emotion: Loneliness
First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are experiencing. Are you feeling lonely? Are you happy or sad? Accept it. Don’t ignore it or push yourself to dismiss it, ignore it, or fight it. It’s not an illness, but something you feel for a reason. So, you need to find the cause, the reason behind it. In other words, why do you feel the way you do? If you feel lonely or alienated, regardless of the number of people around you and whether they are friends or relatives, don’t feel guilty. Think calmly about why you feel this way. What is it that creates this feeling? Perhaps you are not being valued as you would like, or perhaps you are not being understood? Perhaps there is a geographical distance between you and a loved one? Or an emotional distance? If you have experienced a loss, it is natural to feel this way.
Solution:
There are no magic formulas, but one idea is to do this: Look deep inside yourself and think about what is bothering you. Try to take the first step and approach the people who are causing you difficulty, if you want to. Talk to them, talk to yourself with compassion, as you would talk to a friend if they were facing a similar problem. Discuss it with a friend you trust, listen to them. Talk to someone who may not be your friend, but whom you respect. What you need is someone who is level-headed and neutral, who can calmly tell you a few things. They may have experienced similar things themselves.
Emotion: Anxiety-Stress-Pressure
Everything has to be perfect during the holidays! A large table with the turkey in the center. Everyone happy and laughing. Looking happy, talking. Before the festive meal, you have to take care of everything. You have to run around, do the shopping, set the table. At the same time, you feel obliged to take care of everyone, even if you don’t want to. Then come the bitter and pressuring comments from relatives about your life so far, your personal situation, your future. Comments about your cooking, about your family. On the other side is the fake perfection and happiness of social media. Where everything looks perfect, like something out of a fairy tale or a postcard. Do you really need all this? To be pressured, to be psychologically crushed, to be dissatisfied. And in reality, it’s not even true.
Solution:
So, there are two things left to do: First, engage in something that pleases you, create a routine. Put on some music, take up a hobby you enjoy, offer whatever you can, however you can. If you want, distance yourself. And most importantly: Set boundaries. Make them clear and simple. You’re not putting up a wall, but protecting yourself.
Emotion: Anger
You may even feel anger. Anger towards relatives you don’t want around you at times like these, anger because your partner doesn’t understand you, anger because you have experienced unfair losses. Remember that suppressing such intense emotions as anger is harmful to your mental health. Try to communicate with the people who have caused you stress and explain to them what has upset and distressed you. If you feel anger towards your partner, communicate openly. The goal is to communicate your internal or external tension and then find solutions together.
How can I shake off the holiday blues?
Put energy into your day + Exercise
Even if there is no reason to feel down during the holidays, if that happens, you are responsible for yourself and should not give up. Include exercise in your daily routine. Walking, running, going to the gym. Listen to music, choose a hobby that you enjoy, and devote time to it. Go for a walk in nature, just take a stroll for a while. You will see that you will feel good and have energy for the rest of the day.
Become a volunteer!
I know it may sound a bit strange, but believe me. It’s beneficial. You’re part of a team, you’re participating in a good cause, you’re bringing joy to people who really need it. What you do takes on purpose and value, it is big and important, you strengthen your social circle with acquaintances, you socialize, and at the same time you may also be a source of inspiration. And if a friendship develops through this activity, what could be more enjoyable!
Don’t have excessive expectations + Set boundaries
Don’t maintain the mindset that you have to be cheerful and constantly happy. That you have to organize a large table, create a Hollywood movie setting, and invite the whole family, if you don’t want to. Organize the celebrations the way you want and set boundaries. If you expect things to turn out differently and they don’t go the way you want, it’s okay. Don’t follow the imposed “musts” but the “wants.” It’s normal and okay not to feel like celebrating. But don’t give up on yourself for others. And when we talk about boundaries, these can be set in a polite way, initially in terms of communication and the time we devote to certain people, until we put them second and put ourselves first.
Make a plan or not
To avoid getting lost in the organization, the day, the celebrations, and the chaos, set a schedule that suits you. For example, don’t lock yourself in the kitchen and exhaust yourself with constant cooking. Organize your day and leave plenty of free time for yourself. Do things that make you happy as a priority. On the other hand, you don’t have to have a schedule if it’s too stressful and restrictive for you.
Talk to someone you trust.
Whatever is bothering you, don’t keep it to yourself. It is always good and cathartic to share it with someone. If that someone is a person you trust, such as a loved one or a good friend, even better. They can empathize with you, understand your position, and offer you the calm and appropriate words you need at that moment. Don’t stay alone and don’t believe that you can find a solution on your own. Share your feelings, you will receive sympathy and support, and you will hear yourself. And most importantly: whatever wound you have can be healed. You never know how strong people are, so even if you anticipate their reaction, talk to them. You may be surprised and actually find relief from what you are feeling.
Ultimately, will doing all this dispel the melancholy of the holidays?
In a word, no! At least, not necessarily. Because our mental health does not accept prescriptions or panaceas, but action. And holiday blues are not an illness. The goal is to show determination and not let anything get us down. But these are clearly necessary steps in the right direction for those of you who are under pressure and don’t have a road map. The most important thing is for you to find a way out of the impasse you feel you are in. Decide that you will gain nothing by hiding the problem and curling up with a blanket on the sofa.
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Fight it and do some of the above that you think you can handle. And of course, as always in these cases, don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you can’t find it within yourself and your friends. They have the methods, guidance, experience, and deep empathy to relieve you and help you discover ways to find redemption.
