My 3-year-old doesn’t listen to me – Does this sound familiar?
It’s Saturday morning. You’re rushing around with your supermarket list in hand and your three-year-old is jumping around the living room shouting “no!” You asked him to put on his shoes. Instead, he hides under the table. My three-year-old doesn’t listen to me anymore, you whisper desperately. Does this sound familiar? If so, you’re on the right page.
Your child not “listening” to you at this age does not mean that they are rude or that you are doing something wrong. It is a natural and expected stage in their development. But you need tools, understanding, and… a little patience.
What does it mean when a 3-year-old child does not obey?
At this age, children are not trying to “drive you crazy” or provoke you. They are exploring boundaries. They are trying to see how the world works, where their “wants” end and their parents’ “needs” begin.
So:
- Children have not yet developed the ability to regulate themselves.
- They do not always understand the consequences of their actions.
- And often… they simply do not listen to you because they do not want to.
➤ Normal characteristics of 3-year-old children:
- A stronger need for independence
- Rebelliousness (the well-known “terrible threes”)
- Exploration through saying “no”
- Short attention span
- Increased imagination and role-playing
Why you feel exhausted and it’s not your fault
You may be thinking, “Am I not a good enough parent?” or “Why does my child listen to them and not me?” You are not alone.
- Your child feels safe with you. With you, they can express themselves without filters.
- Their behavior at home is different because you are their “base.”
This means that you have power—not just responsibility.
Practical techniques to get him to start “listening” to you
1.Talk at their level
Bend down to the child’s level and look them in the eyes. Eye contact helps to connect.
2. Use a positive tone
Instead of “don’t run!”, say “let’s walk slowly like little bears.”
3. Be consistent with boundaries
You don’t need to yell. Just keep the boundaries consistent. If you say “we don’t watch TV while we eat,” make sure it applies every time.
4. Give choices
Instead of saying “put your pajamas on now,” give a choice: “Do you want to put on your shirt or pants first?”
5. Approach it as a game
Instead of “pick up your toys,” say, “Let’s see who can pick up the blocks faster.”
Hidden causes that may lie behind “disobedience”
It’s not all about age. Sometimes, the reaction may be related to:
- Intense stress or changes in the environment (moving house, separation, new nursery).
- Lack of routine (e.g. unstable sleep schedule).
- Unprocessed emotions (anger, jealousy, disappointment).
- Sensory overload (too much light, noise, changes).
My 3-year-old doesn’t listen to me – When should you be concerned?
If your child:
- Does not follow instructions.
- Does not respond when called by name.
- Does not speak or has very limited speech for their age.
- Displays aggression or self-injurious behavior.
…then it is a good idea to seek professional guidance from a mental health specialist.
What role does parental psychotherapy play?
Parenting counseling does not mean that you “have a problem.” It means that you want to better understand your child and yourself in your role as a parent.
Systemic psychotherapy, specifically, helps:
- improving parent-child communication.
- identifying dysfunctional patterns.
- strengthening emotional connection.
Tips that make a difference in everyday life
- Routines = stability = less tension.
- Repeated words and short messages.
- Hug before saying “no.”
- Use puppets or role-play (e.g., the teddy bear who doesn’t want to brush his teeth).
- Read stories about boundaries.
My 3-year-old doesn’t listen to me – But don’t take it out on yourself
Feeling exhausted or uncertain is human. There is no such thing as a “perfect” parent. However, there are informed, open, and present parents.
If you feel that everyday life with your child is overwhelming and you no longer know how to manage their outbursts, then perhaps it is time to seek help.
Schedule an informational appointment with a specialist.
