You’ve put your kid to bed, they’ve got their own cute crib or bed… and five minutes later, they’re curled up next to you in bed. They look at you with that look that leaves you no choice. And just like that, another night… together.
My child wants to sleep with me – it’s a phrase many parents say with mixed feelings. Some enjoy it, some tolerate it, and some consider it… wrong. What is the truth?
In this article, we will look at it without guilt, without absolute truths, with respect for your daily life and needs.
What does it mean when your child wants to sleep with you?
A child wanting to sleep with their parent is not abnormal or a problem in itself. It usually means:
- Insecurity or a need for emotional security
- Fears (darkness, monsters, loneliness)
- Phases of development or change (e.g., new sibling, school, divorce)
- Strengthening of the bond after many hours of separation during the day
But there is another question: how long will this last?
Co-sleeping: Is it bad finally ?
Not necessarily. Co-sleeping (sleeping together in the same bed or room) has both supporters and opponents.
Advantages:
- It enhances the child’s emotional security
- It reduces the duration of crying or anxiety
- It helps improve sleep quality (in some cases)
Disadvantages:
- Possible dependence of the child
- Difficulty in gaining independence
- Negative impact on the couple’s relationship
- Fatigue and reduced sleep for the parent
At what age should it stop?
There is no “magic age” when it should stop. However, most child psychologists agree that:
- Before the age of 3, co-sleeping is quite common and expected.
- After 4–5 years, we encourage gradual independence.
- After 6–7 years, the daily need to sleep with a parent may indicate insecurity or another deeper issue.
Could something else be to blame?
If your child was used to sleeping alone and suddenly changes their behavior, then something may have affected them.
Some possible causes:
- Separation anxiety
- Conflicts at home
- Lack of a stable routine
- Transitional periods (moving house, loss, new start at school)
In these cases, the need to “co-sleep” is an expression of insecurity.
My child wants to sleep with me – What to do: Step by step
If you want to help your child sleep in their own room without abruptly cutting off this need, try the following:
1. Create a consistent bedtime routine
Bath, bedtime story, dim lighting. The more predictable and calm, the better.
2. Create an inviting space
Let them choose sheets, stuffed animals, or a night light. Give them control.
3. Stay close to them… but not in bed
At first, you can sit next to them until they fall asleep. Over time, slowly move away.
4. Reward them
Not with gifts, but with words. Say, “Good job sleeping in your room!” and give them a hug in the morning.
5. Show understanding, not pressure
Don’t make them feel guilty. Instead, show that you hear and understand them.
When to be concerned and seek help
Talk to a specialist (e.g., child psychologist) when:
- The child has intense fears or panic attacks
- There are recurring nightmares
- The child has intense outbursts of anger if they do not sleep with you
- There is stagnation or regression in other skills
If you see that despite your efforts, the situation remains the same or worsens, do not hesitate to ask for support. Early intervention can prevent chronic difficulties.
What matters is not “right” or “wrong”
There is no manual on how to be a parent. If your child wants to sleep with you, you are not a bad parent, nor are you committing a crime.
What matters is:
- Understanding their needs
- Setting firm but flexible boundaries
- Taking care of your own sleep, time, and well-being
Whatever is bothering you, I will answer it.
1. Is it wrong to sleep with my child every night?
No, but if it becomes a permanent thing and negatively affects your child’s independence or your own rest, it is a good idea to reevaluate.
2. At what age should a child sleep alone?
Ideally, from 3–5 years old, when they start to gradually become more independent. However, every child is different.
3. If they don’t want to sleep alone, should I force them?
No. Pressure can have the opposite effect. Instead, gradual withdrawal and emotional support are recommended.
4. Could it mean something more serious?
If it is accompanied by intense anxiety, behavioral changes, or regression, it is a good idea to seek the advice of a specialist.
5. Is it normal for a 7-8-year-old child to still sleep with their parents?
It happens often. It is not uncommon. However, at this age, we reinforce autonomy and discuss the deeper needs behind this habit.
If you are having difficulty managing the nighttime routine, do not go through it alone. Parenting counseling can provide you with simple, practical solutions and bring peace to your home.
